everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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