But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
