see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize