So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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