My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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