this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
