The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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