Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I love you. Go after that dick
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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