i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize