So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
