this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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