hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
