I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
How external is "for external use only"?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
