he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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