My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
