Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
