something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize