Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
