They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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