I think I died a long time ago.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
