And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
