dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
