i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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