Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize