i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
