After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
