You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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