you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize