I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
