I love having hate sex.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
