I love black thongs
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
