so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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