Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
