are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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