hotel room ftw
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
