somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
