I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
