IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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