Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
