I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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