cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
