Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
