I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize