i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
