i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
