Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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