I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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