Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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