I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
