Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
