I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Randomize
