All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
