i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
we're so committed to being not committed
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
