I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
