Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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