I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
