i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
