Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
