shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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