I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
