Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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