I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
