where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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