Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
