She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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