you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
