i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
