I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
