you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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