i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
