I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
